With the 'epidemic' of wife and child abuse today, I thought that
I would reprint this checklist adapted from the National Coalition against
Domestic Violence, Washington.
WILL MY NEW BOYFRIEND BE ABUSIVE ?
Many women marry the man of their dreams only to find out that he is a
living nightmare with a violent temper and an abusive streak. When starting
a new relationship, don't be so concerned with having someone in your life
that you ignore the obvious signs of an abusive personality. If you answer
yes to 5 or more of the following questions, you may become a victim of
abuse. No one can predict for certain in a man will be abusive,
but you should be aware of the potential for abuse.
He has a family history of abuse.
He was abused physically or sexually as a child.
His mother was abused by his father.
He has a temper that is out of proportion to the incident in question.
He is contemptuous of women.
He enjoys guns or other weapons.
He uses drugs.
He drinks excessively.
He commits acts of violence against objects rather than people.
He is unusually jealous or possessive when you aren't with him.
He questions you about the time when you are apart.
He is angry when you don't listen to his advice.
He seems to have 2 personalities. One minute he is cruel and critical,
the next he's kind and loving.
His emotions run the extreme - very loving or angry. There is no happy
His anger frightens you so you try not to make him angry.
He considers himself macho.
You sense that you are being treated abusively.
He's pushed or shoved you when he has been angry.
He has insisted on sex even though you weren't in the mood. He is very
critical of you.
He wants to know where you are all the time.
He has had a string of unsuccessful relationships.
He has very low self-esteem.
He believes that women who are hit by their partners deserve it.
He believes women are the "weaker sex".
He believes in the traditional roles for women.
He doesn't believe his anger should have any consequences.
He has an unusual relationship with his mother: love/hate
Most people think he is a real charmer.
He tries to control your life: what you wear, who you see, what you think.
He does not value your opinion.
He treats you much better in public than in private.